Nerds Find a New Way for Bullies to Target them for Lunch Money

When you thought you could grow out of being a dork, think again. Check out this new urban vehicle developed General Motors and Segway called Project PUMA -

Monetary cost savings, yes, but, PFFFFFT, at what other cost? This half wheelchair/girl-repellent monstrocity is a two-wheeled city vehicle capable of reaching speeds up to 35 miles per hour, and going 35 miles on a single charge at a cost of 35 cents per charge plus 100% of your dignity. How about a four-wheeled chick magnet that goes 140 mph, goes 100 miles on a charge, at a cost of nothing with the benefit of getting ass? Is that too much to ask for? I, for one, want to give this a big PASS, and wait for something that won’t cause me to be the target of flying fast food and SUV’s driven by once varsity football players who now are your unemployed construction workers and plumbers (jk, I used to be cool in high school).

GM and Segway announced their collaboration this morning, while demonstrating the Project P.U.M.A. prototype in New York City. When stopped at a red light, guidos came out of nowhere and began bench-pressing the vehicle, subsequently tossing it in the dumpster with the drivers still in it.

Don’t get me wrong, I like the idea, but I think the approach is in question. Humans are visual creatures, and I just can’t see myself, or any of my friends in this vehicle. But I do think I will see people in my city/town, Palo Alto, rocking out in one of these.

“Project P.U.M.A. represents a unique solution to moving about and interacting in cities, where more than half of the world’s people live,” said Larry Burns, GM vice president of research and development, and strategic planning. “Imagine small, nimble electric vehicles that know where other moving objects are and avoid running into them. Now, connect those vehicles in an Internet-like web and you can greatly enhance the ability of people to move through cities, find places to park and connect to their social and business networks.” (source)

“Imagine moving about cities in a vehicle fashioned to your taste, that’s fun to drive and ride in, that safely takes you where you want to go, and “connects” you to friends and family, while using clean, renewable energy, producing zero vehicle tailpipe emissions, and without the stress of traffic jams,” said Burns. “And imagine doing this for one-fourth to one-third the cost of what you pay to own and operate today’s automobile. This is what Project P.U.M.A. is capable of delivering.” (source)

I think “safe” is a bold statement to make. Will the vehicle blow up? Hopefully it has been tested enough, but releasing this out to the public leads to unknown problems. Will you be safe if you’re hit by an Escalade? Probably not. Mini cooper? Same outcome I would imagine. Bullies? By foot, yes, by bicycle, you’d better pray that the lights are green.